This year, I wil… Rest.
I'm sure you've seen them pass by, on social media, on this website, in promotional e-mails, at the diner table. The new year's resolution. The people around us resolve to do more: more exercise, more cooking, more meditating, reading, more time with family, more time alone, more clients, more revenue, more creativity, more authenticity. More of everything and less of very little, apart from sugar and social media, perhaps.
On this day, I would like you to contemplate if it is possible to do less. To choose to rest, to sleep and relax instead. It sounds very scary, perhaps you instinctively think I'm lazy for practicing doing less, and downright radical for suggesting you do the same. When we are surrounded by messaging telling us to do more, to grow, to expand, to hustle and grind and find ways to cram more life into our days, it can be very challenging to go in another direction.
In december 2022, I did less. Way, way less. I worked less, I posted on social media less, I slept more, I went on a very slow holiday, took the train to Spain, where I did very little. I brought three books and read only one. I did this very consciously, to allow myself some time to reset, to let ideas that came knocking at my door marinate and ferment in my head for a little while, instead of immediately acting on them. I rested so the good ideas would stick around, while the bad ones faded away. I did less this past december and I rested more, so I can help my clients do the same in 2023. Rest is the counterpart of action, and it can be just as productive to rest as to do. Without rest, our actions are often less than ideal, our ideas can be half-baked and even our communication with loved ones can suffer. Rest and sleep are an essential component of a life well lived.
If you’d like to make a change, if you’d like to have a more restful 2023, here are three questions you can ask yourself today:
Am I happy with my sleep?
What prevents me from getting the amount or the quality of sleep I want?
How do I prevent me from getting the amount or quality of sleep I want?
These three questions serve to investigate a more central one: What do you tell yourself about rest?
My clients usually have a lot to say about stress and about sleep. When I ask them where it comes from, they often prefer to tell me where their stress is not. They tell me about how much they love their jobs, sometimes they tell me they don’t even really need to work, how their mortgage is almost payed off, how they really do get along with their spouse, even though there is tension or they disagree on any number of things.
They tell me they don’t have time. They tell me they can’t reduce their stress, so all they really want to do is manage it. They want me to teach them how to press the stress down when it rears its ugly head and threatens to envelop them. They want me to help them change to major areas in their life: their stress level and their sleep quality, without making too many adjustments. Without letting go of anything. They don’t want to give up their late night emails, they don’t want to give up Netflix binges, they certainly don’t have time to exercise.
When I worked at the burnout clinic in Marnes, all our patients had stories they told themselves about rest. These were people, mind you, who were so tired, they had to check into residential treatment for 4 to 8 weeks.
Sometimes, without realising, they told me they don’t believe they could change. They tell me ‘I’m just a bad sleeper’, ‘I’ve always been this way, ever since I was a child.’ It’s in my family, it’s in my DNA. They let me know they think their stress and sleep are out of their control. “I’m launching a company right now, so I can’t make too many changes.” “I am going through a rough patch with my partner, once we’re through it, then I’ll think about my sleep.” “Once tax season is over, then I can start to relax.”
My goal is always to turn these statements around:
BECAUSE you are launching a company, you need to make space for sleep.
Because you are going through a rough patch with your partner, you deserve to make space for rest.
Because it is tax season, you need to find ways to relax.
My goal, is to get you to think about sleep, about rest, as an essential ingredient for a good life.
The first step to a more restful 2023 is this one: recognising the need for it. I believe it was Octavia Raheem who said: "Rest is necessary, Rest is brave, rest is good." I invite you today to contemplate the convictions and ideas you have surrounding rest and sleep. Perhaps, deep down, you see needing sleep as a sign of weakness. You see the messaging about this or that CEO needing less than 6 hours of sleep and you admire them. Perhaps, deep down, you feel like rest is a reward. When work is finished, when the dishes are done, when any number of things are achieved, then it is finally time for you to rest. Perhaps, maybe, you feel like rest is reserved for vacations, for children or the elderly.
If this is the case, give yourself some time to work on these convictions and to give yourself permission to rest. Think about one specific time today when you can take some rest. Unplug, unwind, do absolutely nothing. Not even meditate. And then take that time.
As with all new year's resolutions, it is important to stay realistic. If you are the hustle-and-grind type, you may not be able to turn all your ideas about rest and rest around in just one day, after reading just one LinkedIn post. Give yourself permission to take it one day, one night, one nap at a time.
If you have any question or you’d like to chat about the role sleep and rest play I your life, come say hi!
I wish you a restful 2023.